In our previous article, we looked at the importance of taking a positive stand against inappropriate behaviour.
What did you think - Was question 2 a suitable response?
If you didn't get to read yesterday's article, you can read it here.
And speaking of suitable responses, how often do we treat people as if they were their behaviour - creating stories from the opinions we've formed because of their bad choices?
Are we perhaps judging others unfairly?
Sarah who is usually mild-mannered and pleasant to work with, yesterday hit back at you verbally when you asked her how she was going with that "End of Month Report" she's working on for you.
A bad choice for Sarah.....
- Sure, she's got pressure happening at home with a sick baby who is keeping her up til all hours.
- Sure, she's got pressure at work with deadlines and expectations from multiple stakeholders who are running tight deadlines because they are getting measured on time frames and output
But that doesn't make her response appropriate.
No,that wasn't a good choice Sarah.
But understandable right?
if you were given the chance to learn what's actually going on for Sarah.
Luckily for Sarah, you being the good friend and colleague that you are AND because you have a good relationship with Sarah you, brush off this uncharacteristic display of unexpected temper.
However if 2 weeks later you experience another negative encounter with Sarah, you are more likely to create a story about what is going on.
And right there - did you see it?
- did you see it?
You just gave away your opportunity to work through the "awkward" situation and stepped into the Conflict Arena, going below the "line" .....!
Right there in the moment - when you created a story based on your feelings about the situation and the the 2 specific situations that have 2 specific and separate issues.
Nothing surprising there when we know from a neuroscience perspective our brain is wired to look for patterns.
And, as soon as it finds a pattern, it creates a story or pattern that it suggests is the truth.Your job is to notice what's going on inside of you to stop the "automatic loop" which could see your relationship with Sarah heading for the rocks.....
Learning to notice your brain pattern around this type of scenario takes conscious work on your part because you have to notice what's going on to interrupt the process.
You have to be conscious and aware of what is happening for you in that moment when you create the story.
But, that's another topic for another day....;)
Sui Ishada shared a simple but pretty cool quote about the choices we make:
“Just because people make bad choices doesn't make them bad people.
It means they are human.”
What do you think - hit the reply button and let me know......And, if you are interested in learning more about how to better manage your conflict, watch out for tomorrow's mail where I'll be talking about 2 surprising truths of conflict and dealing with difficult people. I'll be sharing the techniques for dealing proactively with them....
Until we meet again, I will
See you at the top!